Friday, November 9, 2007

Ok, someone get me outta here!!!!!

Now one reason that I wanted to move out of this state is easily understandable. The wolf spider.

Now dare try to say that that thing does not look creepy. Those nasty things are everywhere. And I specifically recall telling my dh that since he was home now, and not in some other city, in some other state, that it was his duty to take over killing these things. {{{{ ugh---errrr......~~ick>>>>> nasty bug dance::;;;; shrug n' shake}}}}

So as I'm washing the kids clothes this morning, what do I find?? A lovely wolf spider. (And they jump) Who doesn't hate a spider more than one that can jump?? {{still shuddering}} Umm...... I hate those things. And it was in my baby's room!! Just chillin'. Looking for prey. Food. Hmm..... well I guess then he didn't do to bad to hang out in there. Lord knows that the kids dribble everywhere that they go. I think they dribble crumbs from their very pores. Crackers just ooze out of them. ****yucky,yucky, ick.ick.****

Thank the dear heavens above that I am not arachnophobic, or we'd be in some serious trouble. I do tend to shake it off and get brave. I did take on a baby wolf, a teen wolf (No, not Michael J. Fox) and two regular wolf spiders during my time as a lone parent. I also managed to capture safely a cricket. Yes, I tupperwared it and scooped it up and threw it outside. Handy momma 'eh? Well, what were my options??? Let Eddie grab onto it like he was trying to do? He was going to pick it up. With his bare fingers!!! {{{{{{{ooooooooh, how I hate bugs}}}}}}} And I caught him just in time. But you all know that crickets can jump pretty high, so it must have been a funny sight to see me jumping with every jump of the cricket. How I managed to get it into the cylindrical yet oval plastic is beyond me. But I did it in the name of saving my babies. And me, from the heeby-jeevies. Those are what I call the fruit-loopy shivers and shaking and grossing me out of bugs when I think of them getting on me, or anywhere near me. Or my kids. {{{{{still more shuddering}}}}} So like I said, I rescued a cricket. And killed several wolf spiders. Thankfully they are not harmful. Just gross. And nasty. With their bug-essence.

So then one day last week while my children were playing nicely outside, I spotted something. Something that made me shudder and shake. It closely resembled this:

And of course I fall into the nasty spider dance. Holy cannolli! That thing is, well, it looks just like a black widow, I'm thinking to myself. And looky there, it's sitting in a web directly under one of my lawn chairs, how cozy! It's going to wait for someone to sit down and come up and bite them in the butt. Or worse, it's going to be me! I can't let it do that. I must kill it! And it's right by the door. Way too easy for it to get into the house. So I made a split second decision that I had to be brave. So I planned it's demise. It would not mate another day. It would not live to see it's children. Nor it's next meal. I was going to do away with it, and now!!!!!! {{{{{evil music playing....}}}} So, even though it was outside minding it's own business, I could not let it be. He or she picked the wrong house, and the wrong chair. He could not stay. I am a momma protecting my own human children. So I had to do it. I asked Eddie for his lead paint shovel. Bring it here son!

I told the kids to stay back. (I was performing a stunt that should not be attempted ever, by any less brave soul). I kept looking back to make sure that the kids were playing away from me while I went on my nervous spider killing tirade. I didn't want to accidentally hit one of them while flailing about with my leaded shovel. My leaded mini-shovel. So I took one last look and raised the shovel and brought it down in one swift "WHACK" to the concrete. Bingo. Got it! Dead, guts, nasty! It made a huge mess on the ground. It must have been a juicy one. There were lots of guts! And Eddie came over to inspect. He said, "You get it mommy?" Proud me, I stood with my shoulders back and said, "Yeah, I did." I had to then clean off the spider guts and goo from the shovel. I don't know which is worse, the guts and possibly the toxins or the lead. Hmmm.... I'll think on that one.

But anyway, like I said... this state is pretty bad as far as spiders go. I'm a little creeped out today. And I don't think I'm going to function at 100%. I'm a little too preoccupied that something may crawl out of somewhere and jump on me. Or bite me. And then I may be forced to do what I did once as a little girl. And maybe that's why I get so weirded out about bugs. Once when I was small I was getting into my parents 1979 (I'm guessing the year) Cadillac sedan de ville, yes the long pointy cars from way back when. It was gray. Just thought I'd throw that in there. Anyway, I was getting in and something fell on me. YIKES, a bug. I don't recall what kind of bug, but a bug nonetheless. It wasn't supposed to be there, not on my leg. I freaked, and slapped it. mmmm-hmmmm. Whap! Right on my thigh. Not a shooing kind of slap. Like shoo, you go over there, you don't belong on me, thank you. It was more a FLAP, SMACK, WHAP. Right. On. My. Skin. Oh yeah. It died alright. And it was nasty. Gross!! I had just killed a bug on me. yucky yucky ick ick. I think that's when it all started. I knew after that, that if you kill a bug on yourself, it's a very nasty thing. What do you clean it off with? Especially when you are in a car, and a little girl? I must have wiped it on the seat. Or their carpet. I don't recall. But it was gross. And I still hate bugs. Of all sorts. Although I can tolerate lady bugs. And lightning bugs. (in Texas) Those are pretty neat. But that's it.

Keep the spiders away. I'm going to have to call He's got something that can kill stuff. Maybe he can help me out. I need bug repellent. And a Valium. I have to go pick up that dead spider in the corner now. ******shuddering starts once again******

post signature


Scary Mommy said...

I swear I can feel spiders crawling up my legs as I write this!!!!

Melissa said...

thanks alot, Leslie! Now I have spiders crawling all over me! Or what feels like it anyway!!!!!