Saturday, March 29, 2008

I'm going to a luau. Maybe.

I was invited to a luau. Well, we being my dh and I, were invited. And even somewhere in the invitation it said that we could bring our kids. Now honestly, I felt laughter coming on. They don't really mean that do they? "Sure, come on bring those youngsters on over." I think what they really mean is that we are allowed to bring our very well behaved 7 year olds to this gathering. Because nobody really wants a bunch of bratty screaming, crying, kids that are not from their own gene pool running amuck throughout their lovely homes. Right? I mean, on most days I don't even want my own kids running amuck throughout this house. But they do. And I'm quite certain I can't call to complain to anyone about this. It's just what we endure.

So anyway, back to the luau. I had spoken with the lovely hostess of said party this evening. And well, she did in fact tell me that it was ok to bring my baby monsters to their gathering. She informed me that she too had some monsters kids. (You see, I can call mine monsters any time I please. I'm their monster mother. I bore them. Therefor that gives me the right. ) But this other lady, whom I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting may just be a proud and rather experienced mother of superbly well mannered children. I do not know this yet. I say that she is experienced because she started putting ages to her children and I lost count. She's got me beat. Even when I add my step-children into the mix. Or wait, maybe we are tied. I'm not sure.

Look, don't blame me for not paying attention. Eddie was running through the kitchen (while I was having a stab at actually cooking dinner). Please read: gas burner on high, within reach of crazy children who have little regard for the blue flame. Anyway, he had blue silly putty draped from the top of his head, wrapped around his forehead and hanging down his chest like a necklace. It was also stuck to the front of his brand new shirt. He was so riled up, that he was making his sister wonder what all the excitement was about. So she chased him in an effort to catch him or to see if she too could get a peek at the dragon that was "going to get them." So of course they were running. Wouldn't you run too if a dragon was chasing you??? I would. But it doesn't do much for my conversation. I think I may actually have R.S.V.P.'ed, I may have placed an order for Avon, and agreed to bring my children along in addition to fixing, cooking, bringing a Hawaiian dish. Fabulous.

So. I'm not huge on cooking, though we do need to eat to survive. I cook little these days. Mostly because dh is working late hours, I don't see him for dinner. But I'm understanding. And I'm also going to research some Hawaiian dishes. Ones that don't contain coconut, or too many onions because Lord knows I'm a pretty finicky eater myself. Dh just got home, it's 9:13 pm. I'm going to go to bed now. This momma is tired!

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Monday, March 17, 2008

Crap on a stick.

Interesting? Well, that's as colorful as it's going to get on here folks. I will save my mental breakdowns and wigging out for home audiences only.

My computer printer is not working. And I need to print off only 1 invitation, JUST ONE!!!!! And for the life of me, I can't figure the thing out. I'm sure that when dh gets home and I inform him of our printer situation, he will tell me that it's my fault. Certainly it isn't working because I let my kids repeatedly use it as a step-stool to see out side of the window. Yeah, that's what my intention was. Please children come over here, and really I want you to be wearing your shoes so stand on this printer will ya????? I tried and tried to get them off, but they kept getting back on. And since you fellow mommies can understand, kids don't always do what they are told. As I'm learning. Or have learned. Mine don't listen.

Anyway, I need to print an invitation for a little girl who is leaving tomorrow and I can't even make the thing work. It worked just 2 days ago. ARGH!!!! Frustrations I tell ya.

Oh, and what the heck happened to my sweet baby girl???? I mean, I feel like I just said the same thing about my sweet baby boy. When he turned two. Well, she's not two yet. She's 6 months away from being two. And she's acting like a little DIVA. It's her way or the highway. And she bites, hits, kicks and throws tantrums the likes of which I have never seen, even out of Eddie. If she keeps this up, I shall proceed straight to the kitchen and remove my uterus with a Tupperware spoon and a Ginsu knife. All by myself. I've had training. I've seen it done. Honest. I'm still laughing about the lady who didn't believe me when I told her that my kids weren't twins. I should be the person who is privy to that information, right? Right? Well they aren't twins. They just think that they are. They want the same toys, they want to do the same things, they want to be next to each other, they are best friends and worst enemies. They seldom share, since sharing comes after you turn 3 anyway. Right? Well, at least Eddie is learning the concept. A little. I mean, he screams less and less when Alexa takes his toys away. And now Miss Tough Little Thing will scare even Eddie away. She bites. So he screams, and oh the fun I have!!!!

So, no, not twins. And I'm tired of potty training. I want it to be over. A friend of mine told me to let Eddie clean himself when he poops in his pants. lol~ Can you even imagine? Well, I think maybe I will give that one a shot. Anything that might have a positive outcome on this pooping thing for Eddie, it's worth a try in my book.

Well, I'm really upset about my printer. So I'm going to go spit on it, kick it, and perhaps throw it out in the yard. I can't believe it's not working. I hate when stuff works right in one moment, and then breaks right when you need it. Dh is not going to be thrilled if I have to go out and buy another printer. Especially when I could be spending the money on another Coach purse bills.

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Thursday, March 13, 2008

How about some green paint for your lawn?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller??

Ok. So my grass is dormant. But it looks more like it's dead. Anyway, my brilliant brother has informed me of this new and exciting trend he spotted. The fabulously talented entrepreneur that he is, he told me that we should paint my grass. Weird, but true. They do it to turf, why not my grass? They actually sell stuff that is not harmful to your grass, and it makes it look a thousand times better during these times when your grass is not growing. And hey, it could probably be used too for the times when your city imposes watering restrictions. It doesn't harm or hinder the natural growth of the grass! How cool is that? So my dear brother came over today and had a paint session with my silly excuse for a lawn. For those of you who don't live in Arizona, it's quite common NOT to have lawns. In fact, it's much easier to have both front and back yards covered in plain, boring sand colored rocks.

I convinced my dh that we did in fact need grass when we bought our swing set for the kiddos. I just had no idea that it was going to be a largely uphill and daily battle to try and keep such a small patch of grass alive in this heat stricken city in which we live. During the summer months, it gets so hot, and the grass does grow. But the problem is watering it, enough. It nearly dies every single day. Just from the heat and the need for endless watering.

So, today like I said my brother (My Go 2 Guy) came over to re-beautify my lawn. After he finished, I must say that it looks great! It even looks natural. You can't tell that it's been painted. It just looks like we take really good care of it!

Here are some pics:

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