Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Today something happened. Something I feel a tremendous amount of guilt over. Although I did not mean to hurt her at all. When I snapped my umbrella stroller from folded to it's upright position, Alexa had her finger in the way.

In a very bad spot. Right between the metal frame and the hard plastic. About 1 centimeter of her left ring finger got smashed in the frame on the side of the stroller. When I gently tugged at her hand it was STUCK. It felt like the longest 10-15 seconds of my life while I went from the side of the stroller to try to dislodge her finger to unfolding the stroller to release her.

I felt horrible. My baby was screaming bloody murder. The whole time. When her little finger was freed, I inspected it. She had blood under the skin, and her fingernail was already turning purple. The skin was torn and white and jagged looking. I scooped her up and told dh that we needed some ice. NOW.

He grabbed Eddie and the stroller and quickly followed. I walked right in to the restaurant that was very close by and went straight to the bar. I demanded ice immediately. In perfect Spanish. Bravo to mommy. The bartender must have seen the look on my face and with the screaming child in my arms, he did not hesitate.

We sat outside on the patio and I held her and rocked her back and forth. She screamed for quite some time. I felt horrible. I still do. For this evening my baby girl was hurt and I couldn't think of anything else. I just wanted to take away her pain. I kept whispering over and over to her, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." And she just let me hold her. I sang her a Barney song, because she likes it. And she loves me, and she doesn't care what my voice sounds like.

After the crying period was done, we walked around the mall. I couldn't bear to put her down or even in the stroller, I just held on to her in my arms, even though she is quite heavy. I just didn't want to let her go.

She still had a tear on her cheek when she looked up at her daddy and started talking. She said, "I'm so sorry daddy. I'm so sorry mommy." And my heart just melted. She thought that she should be saying that. I told her she didn't need to be sorry. And mommy loves her so much. She smiled.

And although she's hurt, I know she's going to be fine. And her finger will heal. I just have to make sure that she doesn't try to punch her brother tomorrow. Because with my two, that's always a distinct possibility.

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Anonymous said...

Awwww My poor darling Doodles!!
Awwww My poor wonderful Sister!!

I am so sorry for the both of you ~ truly there is nothing worse than when your child gets hurt and you had something to do with it. Even tho it was totally an accident, YOU feel so TERRIBLE. I know.. having trod your steps years earlier... There is no worse pain for a Mother than that.

But luckily, Doodles has a nurse for a Mommy and I know that you did all the right things and that there should give you some comfort.

Being a Mother is like wearing your heart on your sleeve...

Wonderful, beautiful, painful, the most intense type of love you will EVER experience and YOU will never be the same after having children.

They are so lucky to have you!

I'm so lucky to have you as my sister!!!!

Miss you so much!
Give them both hugs and kisses from Aunt Vicki

Love you!

Susan said...

Those kinds of things are so tough to deal with. We moms take them the hardest while the kids just move on mostly unscathed.
Sorry you had a hard day!

Kat said...

Awww. You know, we try our best, and things happen. A few years ago I was looking at our pictures from the beach and Madalyn has bruise on her arm in all the pictures. Why? Well, it's thumb shaped. From when I grabbed her arm when she was making me soooo mad. Documentation of my mother of the year moment in all our vacation pictures. :-)

Shannon said...

Poor little girl! I'm sure its one of those things where you will still remember years from now... but she will have long since forgotten!

Dorky Dad said...

I feel your pain (and hers). When my kid was 1, I shut a patio door on his hand. He lost a fingernail. Ouch.

Dawn said...

I'm sorry she was hurt, but don't be too hard on yourself. That's so sweet that she said she was sorry too!!

Shell said...

Aw, poor baby. Alexa knows it was an accident and that you never hurt her. It hurts to watch someone you love in pain.

Ashley said...

Necessito vielo, por favor!

Is that right? Gosh, I have got to start practicing.

What a sweet girl you have.

Leslie said...

Very good Ashley! But instead of the v, it's an h. So I said, NECESSITO HIELO INMEDIATEMENTE! I didn't say please. And I didn't exactly yell at the poor man, I just said it pretty sternly. ;)
In hindsight, maybe I should have said please. But you kind of forget your manners when there is a tense situation!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Okay - that post made me get a little misty. That's just the worst feeling EVER....

Big hugs for both of you.


Ponga la cabeza en la basura.

All I remember from high school spanish.. it doesn't come in real handy.

Lisa said...

Poor Alexa, but unfortunately, accidents happen, even to us mommies. Good for you, on speaking perfect Spanish!

Steph T. said...

Stop on by...you've received an award! :)


Love ya!

THopgood said...

Poor thing!

There is absolutely nothing more painful than a smashed finger!