Thursday, May 28, 2009

A Thousand Words.

I've debated with myself whether or not to share this with anyone. And well, I'm just at a loss now as I need my blog to help me vent. In this country where I feel alone and very isolated, I need to be able to express myself. And quite frankly, the party involved doesn't seem to care one iota, and hasn't spoken to me since February 8.

Yes, that's right everyone. I have family issues. And it would be great if there were some reasonable and logical explanation for things. Like say, my husband shot my brother in the parking lot of the liquor store over a fight between which team was better. Or maybe I called my husband's wife a two-bit hooker. But none of those things have happened. My brother is not married, and neither one of them would be in a parking lot of a liquor store fighting about any team since they aren't huge sports fans.

Here is where it all started. January 25 was my sister's birthday. (I'll try to keep this short) I invited my sister to the movies (and her daughter). I didn't immediately invite my brother. He witnessed my conversation, as we were outside watching my children ride their bikes. I called my mom from my cell phone and invited her. She declined. And when I stopped there, he made some comments to me about not being invited. I then quickly extended the invitation. By then, it was too late. He was offended. I had wronged him. He didn't speak to me until February 8th.

It was my niece's birthday, and they came over to the house. (My mom's house) They came over to get birthday presents and to have some cake that my mother had made for her. My brother was there too, and he was in another room. He knew that they had arrived. We went to the kitchen and started to get things together to sing happy birthday to my niece. So once we started, he came in late. But he still came. Afterwards as we were getting ready to cut the cake, he started in on my sister. He said something very closely to this, "How come nobody came to get me? Are you guys going to start treating me like Leslie is now?" And honestly, at this point, I snapped.

Really? Like Leslie? Mind you, he has been the one ignoring me since Jan 25 because I didn't extend my offer to attend a chic flick movie to him quickly enough. I hurt his feelings and he chose not to speak to me. During the beginning of the time he chose not to speak to me, I tried, but my words fell on deaf ears. So I just stopped trying. He was mad.

I then directed my comments to him, we exchanged some pretty heated words. For he felt that he was right in his anger and his position. I felt that he was absolutely losing it. For who acts this way? We argued. And he told me that my presence (as a guest in my mother's home) was not wanted and I should leave. I quickly reminded him that at least I contribute to the household. I then went in for an abrupt and piercing comment. I called him a mooch. (by definition: –verb 1.
to borrow (a small item or amount) without intending to return or repay it. get or take without paying or at another's expense) And by that, I meant that he was mooching from my parents. Living and eating rent free.

And that's where things fell apart. For that hurt him pretty badly. He stopped talking and he left the room. A few minutes later, he met me in the hallway and he handed me the key to my truck. As he always kept my spare. He told me, from this moment on, "You can consider that you no longer have a brother."

Harsh, considering what brought this all about. Extremely harsh. He told me that I was hurtful and mean. He considers not one single ounce how he can be hurtful, or even how ridiculous this whole argument truly was. Over what, a late invitation to a movie?

Yes. Well there is more that has happened since then. And some hugely spiteful acts recently on his part. Before I left the country, I sent him an email telling him that I am sorry. But alas, that was still not good enough.

I'm certain that when my family reads this, it will send him into a tailspin. But this is my blog, and since I need to get this off my chest. That's exactly what I am doing. Thank you for reading.

For more A Thousand Words Thursday posts, please hop over to Jen's blog at Cheaper Than Therapy.

Cheaper Than Therapy


.~*Catrina*~. said...

I'm so sorry that your brother has turned his back on you like that. That is so sad. :( *hugs*

The Main Ladybug said...

I'm so sorry. My brother and I had a "issue" one time, and didn't speak for an entire year (and had always been extremely close - our entire lives). He didn't like my abusive husband, and was only trying to help my situation, but . . . anyway, you see where I'm going with that.

After a year, we made up, but you can't make up for lost time. He died just three years later at the age of 46 from a massive heart attack.

No sermon intended here, just food for thought.


I am Harriet said...

Every family goes through these things. It's amazing.

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry Les! I feel your pain. My brother cut himself off from our family over the stupidest thing as well about 4 years ago, and though he's "back", things have never been the same. I feel like he's a complete stranger every time we're together.

Consider yourself lucky that you at least have your sister. When my brother was doing his thing, and still even now, I felt and still feel like an only child. It's a huge burden. It's also one of the main reasons I don't want to have only two kids.

{{{HUGS}}} I hope your brother smartens up soon! Hopefully he'll soon realize that he's hurting himself just as much or even more than he's hurting you by acting that way.

Alicia W. said...

Damn Leslie! I'm so sorry to hear that. Sounds like he had a lot of bottled up emotions and he let it fly on you. Your like me when it comes to not holding your tongue and yes it does get us in trouble for sure. Every family goes through this.. just try to be the more mature person and give him his space and in a month or so send him a card and don't quit trying. He is your brother and he will soon realize that this is not worth it. life is way too short to act this way.

I hope your okay and you don't stress about it too much. HUGS!!

Jennifer said...

It really sounds as though your brother is pretty immature. He might benefit from seeing a counselor. Maybe someone in the family should suggest it. I agree that most families go through this kind of thing, but it does take two to tango. I wish you the best. And I hope he can come to his senses. Family isn't something you should just throw away.

Chelle said...


I am so sorry that this is going on for you right now, sweetie. I'm hoping things will heal for you both and you'll be able to put this behind you.

Bree Shaw said...

i feel for you! i have been in your shoes with my brother. over something stupid too. he pretty much said the same kind of things to me and i am not a quite person by any means and presceded to tell him in a very nice way that he would regret saying he no longer considered me his sister. it was a rough few weeks, but he got his head out of his butt and got over it. he told me that i needed to apologize to him, and i never did. had i been in the wrong, i would have, but since i wasn't i didn't think i needed to apologize. i hope things work out for you. nothing worse than being on the outs with family!

Sally said...

I feel your pain, in fact I'm living through it myself just now. My brother's wife is the current bane of my existence. I hope what goes around really does come around one day.

Ashley said...

He obviously was hurt but I think he is needlessly over reacting to things. It's too bad. It sounds like you have done all that you know how to do. Hopefully he'll come around.

Liz said...

I am so sorry that your bother feels like this. Hopefully he will realize how important it is to stay close to your family and meant things.

4 Lettre Words said...

Ahhh...I'm so sorry to hear this. I am praying for peace right NOW.

Anissa said...

So sorry you are having trouble with your family! I rarely talk to my family anymore because there is just to much favoritism towards one of my sisters because well she has money -- and I don't. They never come to my house are call are even make the effort to see my kids. So I know how it can drive you insane. TFS -- hope everything works out.

♥spoiled mommy♥ said...

awww honey i am so sorry. ive been there with family issues, im sure it will eventually work itself out. shoot ours took well over a year-but it happened.
loves ya!! ((big hugs))

Angela said...

I'm so sorry. My mom has 7 brothers and sisters and it seems like she is always in a big fight with one of them. I hope he comes to his senses and apologizes to you.

Mr. Nuggets said...

Leslie, I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I have had similar situations with my family, going both directions.

I take a long-term view. After I cool down and maybe have written but NOT sent several letters, I just occasionally send an email or letter just to say hi and tell generally what is going on with my family. That is just to keep a thin thread of communication going. In one case, my brother called immediately and we are best friends now (though he lives 2100 miles away, unfortunately).

In another case, I haven't yet contacted the person. I am still too raw after the words that were said. I still love the person and will reach out again at some point.

My own personal value system says to forgive always, reconcile if possible, even if it takes a lifetime. However, reconciliation takes two. The hard part is taking the risk to find out if the other person is willing to work on things in order to find the love and willingness to change that is part of reconciliation (DISCLAIMER: I'm NOT an expert - just sharing my experiences).

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I don't know him, but I imagine your brother loves you and cares deeply for you. If he didn't, he probably wouldn't have cared so much about those things that he says hurt him.

I can't share details yet, but I have been going through one of the the longest, lonely times of my life. I have faith, and that helps.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers if that is okay.

And most important: MAJOR kudos for being so transparent online! I have done that on my blog (one particular post) and, for me, it was scary. Don't know if you felt that way about this entry, but I compliment your willingess to take risks!

Hope I didn't say too much, or over-step my boundaries! I tend to get a little aspie at times. If I did, please forgive as I am only trying to help.

Warm Regards,


Dejoni said...

Family drama is the worse. I'm so sorry for you!!! I wish I could say something to make it better.
I would like to say thank you for you and your families sacrifice by being in the military. I appreciate all that you do for our freedom!!

Shannon said...

Oh, Leslie... so sorry you're dealing with this. I'm sure you being so far away doesn't make things easier, either.

Hopefully it will all work out soon...