Tuesday, October 23, 2007

What was in that bottle??

Last night my husband was late getting home. These days it seems a common occurence. Well he was telling me about some girl taking over his job. His boss and what he said, and didn't say and this happened and so and so was crying and he basically doesn't know where he's going and when. Or even when he's going to be taking his trip, or even if he's going to be available to go trick or treating with me and the kids. It's no big wonder he had a headache. He's got way too much on his plate. I almost felt sorry for him. But then didn't. Because I realize, I'm still the one taking care of these kids who won't stop picking at each other and slapping each other. Or riding the blue dog onto each others feet. Or rolling their poppers into one anothers legs. But still, I try to remain empathetic. I try.

He tells me that he has a headache. My usual response, "I'm sorry to hear that." I ask him if he's had some caffeine. And of course he has, because he usually can't make it through the day without a cup of coffee or five. So I ask if he's going to take something for it. I don't recommend drugs, as there is usually a better remedy. Like taking a nap, because you are tired (or going to bed). Or better yet, drink a glass of water, as you might be dehydrated. Or try drinking some coffee or coke. Highly acidic, but often times works. I don't like to take Tylenol because it's nephrotoxic (bad for the kidneys) and I don't recommend aspirin either as too much of that can irritate his already sensitive stomach. So he's rummaging through the medicine cabinet high above the stove.

I think we have like 60 bottles of randomly prescribed pharmaceuticals in there. I mean with his tummy, and back and muscle issues. There must be 15 bottles alone. All mostly full. And the various kiddie vitamins, the mommy vitamins ( the few I do take) and the many others I don't. Not to mention the cough, cold, nighttime sniffly sneezy achy, stuffy head, fever so you can rest medicines. We probably have about half that could go straight into the trash because they are expired. But that's another task, and wasn't in my agenda at that particular moment.

My husband stopped at the Tylenol #3. And although I personally love that stuff...............................................When it is needed. I DON'T think it is a good idea to take for some headache that would just go away when he falls asleep. So I made him put the bottle down. I could see that he was thinking about it though. He grabbed the ibuprofen bottle and opened it. Upon looking at it's contents he says, "I don't think this is the right thing." He handed it to me. The whole bottle was empty, except for one small oval shaped red and white pill. I examined the pill that sat lonely inside and immediately knew what it was. I said, as I recapped the bottle and placed it back into the cabinet, "It's colace! You want some for your headache??"He looked at me dumbly and stated that he had no idea what that was. I told him it was a stool softener. He made a face. And then he asked me why I was putting one pill back into the cabinet, and especially since I didn't know if it was still good, maybe it was expired already. (Maybe it was.)

But in my brilliance and wisdom, I honestly wasn't thinking. What came out of my mouth next was even more ridiculous than something I might normally say. I can't believe I said it. I looked at him and said, "We should keep it. In case I ever have another baby." And then I paused for a very brief moment. And I began to laugh. Hysterically.

How dumb was that comment I just made? First of all, the stupid pill was probably out of date and should have been tossed. Especially being out of the container it came in, why was it in the ibuprofen bottle in the first place? Secondly, they would prescribe more in the hospital, should the need arise for a stool softener. And lastly, I think I may have just scared the pants off of my husband as I have never even so much as 'uttered' the words baby and me having another one in the same sentence. He just looked at me wildly, like I was attempting to conjugate verbs in spanish, and botched it.

So it's official, my idiot brain works on FULL throttle at night. Can one be surprised? I can't even cook without breaking up toddler fights. What makes you think that I can speak intelligently or even make good decisions regarding old medications when I was half drenched by my baby's bathwater, scratched, slapped, kicked, sneezed on and coughed on by two children coming down with only God knows what. I was starved and my brain wasn't exactly at it's sharpest moment. You'll have to forgive me.

But I really think that was funny. Both my stupid comment. And the look on my husband's face. You really should have seen it. It was quite priceless!

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