A conversation with my mom.

me: Hi mom, I called because I wanted to share what Eddie just did.

mom: Hi baby! What did he do?

me: EDDIE GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW!!!! Well I'm pretty sure he just made poop on the potty.

mom: Oh my goodness! That's wonderful! But what do you mean you're pretty sure?

me: EDDIE DON'T PLAY WITH THE LIGHTBULB, IT GETS VERY HOT!!! EDDIE, I SAID NO! DON'T STAND UP THERE, YOU ARE GOING TO FALL. Well, I'm pretty sure because I didn't see it happen. Alexa fell into the bathtub after she turned on the faucet. She was leaning in to get some toys and she fell in. I had to rescue her from the trickling faucet and she was screaming and wet, so I didn't actually see him go. I just saw a small poop fall. GET OFF OF YOUR SISTER! YOU ARE HURTING HER, STOP THAT!

mom: that's so great! Maybe me and your dad should have come over to help you out.

me: me? yeah, anytime you want.... PUT THAT DOWN, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY WITH MOMMY'S CAMERA. DO NOT THROW THAT, EDDIE!!!!!!!!!! you know you guys are welcomed here, anytime. DO NOT STAND ON THE DOLLHOUSE!

mom: You let that baby stand on the dollhouse.

me: Mom, it's a toy dollhouse, it's plastic and not meant to hold a two year old child. He could break it and get hurt.

mom: oh.

me: {throwing the phone down} STOP IT. STOP IT. DO NOT, NO. EDDIE. NO. DON'T SCRATCH YOUR SISTER, SHE'S PLAYING WITH YOU, YOU NEED TO SHARE YOUR TOYS. EDDIE, THAT IS NOT NICE. BE NICE TO YOUR BABY SISTER. mom? you ok?

mom: yeah

me: I meant, you still there? ugh.

mom: I think Eddie has a while before he really learns to share.

me: EDDIE? WHAT ARE YOU EATING? NOOOO, DON'T EAT THAT. THAT'S YUCKY. EWW, DON'T WIPE IT ON THE WALL.Mom, he's licking the Desitin. And then he smeared it on the wall. At least it's white. Oh and he's eating the baby lotion.

mom: What was he standing on before?

me: the diaper changer.

mom: ok, is Ed going to be home soon?

me: I think he's on his way. mom: At least you got dinner out of the way.

me: EDDIE, GO PICK THAT UP. He's throwing legos down the hall, and Alexa is chewing on a diaper.

mom: Do you want us to come over?

me: KNOCK IT OFF. STOP THROWING THE DIRTY CLOTHES AROUND. Oh. thanks, but Ed shouldn't be too much longer. You guys can come over tomorrow.

mom: that sounds good. I'll leave you to your baby wrangling.

me: ok, talk to you soon!

mom: bye!